ily(:

i can now say...

i am the happiest girl alivee!

thanks baby<333

RLT

Robbinson Luis Torres,
is eating on the phone, he just burped, and uh there are dogs barking over the phone.
and keep barking and barking. Hes screaming telling them to shut the fuck up. Hes over web with me. Hollaaaaa! haha
i want to write about him at the moment so yeahh here it isss!
(:

its your voice that moves me, and i havent gone anywhere

we dont even talk anymore. we dont even hear each other.
it hurts each day that i cant hear the one person who i have these crazy feelings for. I like listening to your voice and it sucks that i havent been. I miss our conversations, our long conversations about the stuff you like. Us both watching TV shows over the phone, having those imtimate conversations like at random times at night.(quiet laugh) Telling each other that we need to see each other soon, that we miss each other terribly.. I miss that. i miss you. Where have we both gone? Lately its just been, just no more that a 20 minute conversation, and thats at like 3am maybe 4am. It doesnt bother me, but i want to talk to you more. and i dont want to talk about the bad things that are going on in our relationship. I want to talk about the good things in our lives. Whats been going on, with your life.. We need to see each other, and spent lots of time together, but when will this happen is uh.. i always invite you places, and you always say no. i want you to go out in public with me, and we can show each other off. and be happy! i just wish we both can change for the better of this relationship. I want things to work out but if your never going to call me like you used to.. idk...

me venting about whats on my mind.

I JUST FUCKING NEED YOU HERE WITH ME.
is that too much to ask for? i know you want the same,
well atleast i think you do, but if you really care for me..
like you say you do, please just come see me.
thats all im asking for.
i know your getting sick of me, i know you cant stand me
anymore, admit it. You dont like me as much as you used to.
It kind of sounds like your putting on an act. are you?
Dont care about my feelings, cause i dont care about mines.
No one shouldnt care about my feelings if i dont.
Im going crazy just thinking about you.
I cant help but just cry while writing this because you are
the one i love. It might sound stupid to you, since we hardly
see each other. But, deep down inside of me, your here.
your here with me everynight, putting me to sleep.
The phone calls at like 3am, sometimes 4am, make me smile.
but when we arguee, it never helps. I kills me inside to know
that you dont see me like before. You talk about me changing up
on you, haha. Lets talk about you changing up on me. You used to
send me cute text messages while i was in class, randomly saying
i miss you, when like 10 minutes ago we hung up the phone.
You used to tell me i was beautiful, and call me your princess.
Those kind of things used to make me the happiest girl alive.
How you used to make me go to bed, because i had school.
How you used to just talk about the future, and what you thought
it had in store for us. How you actually thought i was the one for you.
I bet you dont think about that today, dont you? am i right?
You hate me for not seeing you. You hate me that much that you almost broke up with me because of that. Ohh and did i mention that i cried when that happened. I never cry. I dont cry for boys. Ive never cried for a boy my entire life. Feel special because the moment i arrived home and was alone locked up in my room after you said you wanted a "break" with me, I bursted out into tears. I couldnt hold it in any longer. I needed you by my side, but i realized i had just lost you. I had just lost the one person who i dont see ever, but i love very much. Thats why i cant loose you. I might sound crazy, who gives a fuck.. i dont im just trying to get my point across that i need you. I need you to tell me that im yours, that you still like me. That im funny, and sweet. But nooo, those words changed to "Awesome" and "Cool" you never say anything nice to me yeah you say the usual, but you used to be unique with your words. You used to use them right, you had a way with them. But i dont know. shit is changing. But the funny thing is, that all i am doing is blabbing about you and not talking about myself. so lets get to that... I still like you... NOO! i love you! i loved you for the longest time. The moment me and you started talk again, i knew what love was. and it was you. You were love you were sent to me to show me what love meant. and i thought you were best thing in the world. I always thought that, and i still do. you are my rock. i need to talk to you atleast once a day to manage. I try talking to you more but baby, it hard when you dont have your phone anymore. Your probably reading this and realizing a bunch of stuff. And its stuff you should of known a long time ago. Like the love i have for you. I adore the shit out of you, i just wish we could see each other more. ha, you know whats funny, i lost a guy friend cause of you. Im not trying to blame it on you.. im just saying. He texted me a few times the other day... and uh i didnt write back because i had a boyfriend and what would have i looked like if i had a boyfriend and texting another boy?!?! Well to make this story short, he kept texting and texting, and i never wrote back to him he even started up with the myspace stuff and next thing you know i get hate text from him, talking about i hate you, now that you have a boyfriend you have to start forgetting about people, huh.. i was confused for a minute because i didnt do anything to him for him to be saying such harsh words to me like that.. but yeah HE HATES ME, now hes trying to regain his friendship with me, but guess what.. i still dont pay attention! So in other words, yeah im very loyal to you, my heart tells me to be loyal to you, because i love you! i dont know why i havent told you that i loved you yet. I tried tell you a few times but i thought you would of reacted like if i was stupid, since we dont see each other. lol you asked me if i loved you the other day and i said no! its hard to over come these words that ive only said to certain people but never anyone who ive been with and in love with.
Well i seriously dont know how to end this so im just going to leave this at that. I miss you, i love you, and can you please come see me. =D

this is the start of my storyyyy...

Some girls have good relationships and some have bad. Some Girls have a heart, and some of them have stone.

In this case, I have bad relationships but I have a good heart.Lets start off with the first day of high school. Freshman year, the year of high school when everyone thinks they are so cool in some sort of way. The year where people become who they will be in high school, when they start figuring out who and what click they will hang with. Now, lets go to me, first day of school. I walked into the doors of the one of the biggest schools in Springfield, Massachusetts, Central High School. I did not know where I was going but I had my guide, which was my sister. She lead me to my homeroom classroom which was the first class of the day that I had to sit in for about 3 hours. I never actually thought about the boys at the school but I definetly thought about the friends I will be making and how I was going to act.

I sat down 3 seats up from the back row, and I waited a few minutes and looked around until I looked at the door and saw an old middle school friend of mines. He sat next to me, and called me by my nickname, Chili. He talked to me, until the bell rang. The teacher was ready to close her door shut to begin to speak to us about the rules and the guides about our new school until.. someone blocked the door way and said excuse me and walked in. I stared at this beautiful figure who was staring at me like hes known me for a few years as he walked towards the seat in front me. He sat down on his chair, and turned around to take off his backpack, and he started at me again. My stomach just sunk to my butt. I couldnt stop staring at his cute neckline and hair cut he had. He was a looker, I kept saying to my friend.

My good old pal from middle school moved up one seat as the teacher talked. With him moving up a seat, he was sitting right next to this really cute boy whom I didnt know his name. I knew his name was Rob, something I couldnt hear well with the teacher mumbling her names as she did attendance. I was glad that my good middle school friend began to talk to this pretty creature, because I new that I was going to get some information out of him.

After 3 hours of looking at the back of his head, and getting little glimps of him when we would turn around to pass back papers to me, the class was over. It was time to go to our first period class of the day. I moved quickly behind him and disappeared to the next hallway to my next classroom. I found my class and scattered into to first seat I found.. The one next to the door, where I can cee everyone and everything that was going on outside in the hallway. Laughs, Make ups, Make outs, Friends.. etc. it was just a ruckus. Then, my heart started pumping faster than usual and it was because guess who had there first perios class right next door to mines, the Rob something guy. With my heart pumping fast didnt mean I was afraid of him, I just got really nervous because this kid was god to me at the moment.

I began figiting in my seat looking at the clock and my brand new schedule to see what time this stupid class was over at. I wanted to go to lunch already because I wanted to meet up with my friends and my sister, and thats what was next for me. I also wanted to leave this class because I wanted to take my time leaving it so that Rob, lets call him rob, can notice me, even though he already did during homeroom.

The bell rings and I begin to take my time putting all my stuff back into my backpack, and I look out the door and fuck, I was late, he was walking out already. I got so upset that I began to rush. I starting walking down the stair case to the first floor to meet up with my cousin and sister, and guess who ends up in front of me, Mr. Rob whatever the rest of his name is. I begin to get aggrevated because lately I am only seeing the back of head, which isnt a bad site but its beginning to make me out like a creep. He looks back at me and I smile and walk away as like I was in a rush.

I met up with my sister and cousin at my sisters locker, my sister began talking to me and friends about how shes already ready to go home after being in school for no more than 5 hours. I thought she can be weird sometimes. We all started walking like a clique to the lunch room, we found a seat and I just kept looking around to see if I can see any of my old friends, I spotted a few people and waved and then I spotted my cousin, Miss.Jay! She came over to me and asked me to stand up with her as she looked around for friends, so I did. We both walked over to a table with a bunch of her friends. I got bored and was ready to walk towards the water fountain near the doors to get lunch, I looked out the door as I walked over and saw a short kid with a black polo but with a bunch of different colored striped shirt on, I wasnt used to his face but when he kept walking away alone I noticed his back looked familiar, and then I thought about it and it was my Mr.Rob.

My cousin saw me kind of starstruck and came over to me, she asked what was wrong Id look as if I just seen a ghost. I began to explain to her how this boy was so good looking and he just walked by and he was in my homeroom, and how he stared at me like if he knew me for a long time. As I am explaining, he walks by again and I tell her, “Thats him Jay, Thats him”. She replies to that she has a class with him and that he is so cute. We then started betting on who can get him first, and I shut her up because she had a boyfriend at the time. Mr. Rob on the other hand, I didnt know if he was a single cute boy or not, but he had walked into the cafetria doors where I was standing and I broke my neck, I just couldnt stop looking. Miss. Jay, called my name out and laughed, I asked her why was she laughing and he explained that I was a funny girl. Why would someone like him like someone like me.

ahh man, this one is for you..

so today i washed my gross hair like 50 times. lol i usually wash it and not wait for anything and straighten it. but today i felt like i should see my hair curly again. cause my natural hair isnt straight, like most people think. haha. so yeah, i look pretty weird.. haha.. but i guess its ohk for the most part. im a weird person for the most part. so yeahh! anyways tomorrow im going to a dance competition my first one, which is going to be pretty cool. im kind of excited. im

also kind of nervous because the judges arent real dance judges, there just random people and the like 1 judge is going to be a dance judge. its confusing. but yeah i have this feeling that since it might be for what they see, another group that sucks and with a bunch of little kids will win. ughhhh! its going to suck because us girls put our hearts on any stage. we always try our hardest! anyways.. im going to go now. so peaceee outtt.

why do you hate me so muchhh????

Why, Hello.
I have alot of catching up to do with you. Ive been slacking with everything, school, 365day project, etc. lol. Lets start off by saying, i have opened up a new door in my life. I really want to be in the entertainment buisness, even if i am behind the scenes, but thats what i want to do. I went to the open casting call for MTV's MADE, and uh i think it went pretty well. Even though i sure as hell know that i wont be getting a call back because i see it as a one in a million chance to have my own made episode. Anyways, school so uh yeahh guess what, im failin most of my academic classes, Writing from Experience is a piece of cake. But Glory of Greece, i havent even done one thing of homework since the semester started. I had to already write out 2 essays and do other sheets of paper, and im getting so lazy that noo. Ughhh! Whatever. Dance has taken over my life.. and so has school. (sorry i have alot of shit bothering me) My mother keeps talking to me about me having a boyfriend and me taking shit seriously with him, and about me getting pregnant. like wtf? im 17, smart about shit like that.. but no, my mother thinks im like these 15 year old girls who get pregnant now in days. She thinks im going to go off with my boyfriend and have a kid with him. like wtf?!? yeah i want kids but not now, in the future when my life it settled and im married with a husband. She doesnt understand anything. I swear she still thinks im like 15 i know im not much older than 15 but i will be 18 in a few months and she needs to let me go and learn to let me be independent. I hate it. i thinki hate her, for making me into the person i am today.. scared, cant do anything alone, so fucking attached to her. Arghhhh. So yeah back to what i was saying in the beginning about being in the entertainment business... so im going to retire from dance in about a year or so, and maybe get back to acting.. I love acting but my "MOTHER" doesnt approve me acting, she rather have me dancing. But, hopefully in a year or so i will be moved out of my house and have my own apartment with someone. Cause thats what i want. Maybe move to Northampton or a state over or something. just not here in springfield. But i will persue acting and have my own guitar making buisness. i bet your wondering.. wow this girl wants to do everything.. your right.. i do. But im going to start soon finishing my comic, and starting to draw out a design of a custom made guitar and send them out to see which vender with buy it and make it into their own. Ive had guitarist tell me what they would want on a guitar or the designs they would love on it.. and i took all that in and put it together and i have an idea of a guitar. Im crazy i know. I feel bad for who ever trys to marry me, because i love being up and out and doing different things all the time. lol. they'd have to get used to me. lol.. well im going to go because this is getting wicked long and i seriously want people to read it and not half of it. sooo peaceee




Peace+<3
Charleee