ily(:

i can now say...

i am the happiest girl alivee!

thanks baby<333

RLT

Robbinson Luis Torres,
is eating on the phone, he just burped, and uh there are dogs barking over the phone.
and keep barking and barking. Hes screaming telling them to shut the fuck up. Hes over web with me. Hollaaaaa! haha
i want to write about him at the moment so yeahh here it isss!
(:

its your voice that moves me, and i havent gone anywhere

we dont even talk anymore. we dont even hear each other.
it hurts each day that i cant hear the one person who i have these crazy feelings for. I like listening to your voice and it sucks that i havent been. I miss our conversations, our long conversations about the stuff you like. Us both watching TV shows over the phone, having those imtimate conversations like at random times at night.(quiet laugh) Telling each other that we need to see each other soon, that we miss each other terribly.. I miss that. i miss you. Where have we both gone? Lately its just been, just no more that a 20 minute conversation, and thats at like 3am maybe 4am. It doesnt bother me, but i want to talk to you more. and i dont want to talk about the bad things that are going on in our relationship. I want to talk about the good things in our lives. Whats been going on, with your life.. We need to see each other, and spent lots of time together, but when will this happen is uh.. i always invite you places, and you always say no. i want you to go out in public with me, and we can show each other off. and be happy! i just wish we both can change for the better of this relationship. I want things to work out but if your never going to call me like you used to.. idk...

me venting about whats on my mind.

I JUST FUCKING NEED YOU HERE WITH ME.
is that too much to ask for? i know you want the same,
well atleast i think you do, but if you really care for me..
like you say you do, please just come see me.
thats all im asking for.
i know your getting sick of me, i know you cant stand me
anymore, admit it. You dont like me as much as you used to.
It kind of sounds like your putting on an act. are you?
Dont care about my feelings, cause i dont care about mines.
No one shouldnt care about my feelings if i dont.
Im going crazy just thinking about you.
I cant help but just cry while writing this because you are
the one i love. It might sound stupid to you, since we hardly
see each other. But, deep down inside of me, your here.
your here with me everynight, putting me to sleep.
The phone calls at like 3am, sometimes 4am, make me smile.
but when we arguee, it never helps. I kills me inside to know
that you dont see me like before. You talk about me changing up
on you, haha. Lets talk about you changing up on me. You used to
send me cute text messages while i was in class, randomly saying
i miss you, when like 10 minutes ago we hung up the phone.
You used to tell me i was beautiful, and call me your princess.
Those kind of things used to make me the happiest girl alive.
How you used to make me go to bed, because i had school.
How you used to just talk about the future, and what you thought
it had in store for us. How you actually thought i was the one for you.
I bet you dont think about that today, dont you? am i right?
You hate me for not seeing you. You hate me that much that you almost broke up with me because of that. Ohh and did i mention that i cried when that happened. I never cry. I dont cry for boys. Ive never cried for a boy my entire life. Feel special because the moment i arrived home and was alone locked up in my room after you said you wanted a "break" with me, I bursted out into tears. I couldnt hold it in any longer. I needed you by my side, but i realized i had just lost you. I had just lost the one person who i dont see ever, but i love very much. Thats why i cant loose you. I might sound crazy, who gives a fuck.. i dont im just trying to get my point across that i need you. I need you to tell me that im yours, that you still like me. That im funny, and sweet. But nooo, those words changed to "Awesome" and "Cool" you never say anything nice to me yeah you say the usual, but you used to be unique with your words. You used to use them right, you had a way with them. But i dont know. shit is changing. But the funny thing is, that all i am doing is blabbing about you and not talking about myself. so lets get to that... I still like you... NOO! i love you! i loved you for the longest time. The moment me and you started talk again, i knew what love was. and it was you. You were love you were sent to me to show me what love meant. and i thought you were best thing in the world. I always thought that, and i still do. you are my rock. i need to talk to you atleast once a day to manage. I try talking to you more but baby, it hard when you dont have your phone anymore. Your probably reading this and realizing a bunch of stuff. And its stuff you should of known a long time ago. Like the love i have for you. I adore the shit out of you, i just wish we could see each other more. ha, you know whats funny, i lost a guy friend cause of you. Im not trying to blame it on you.. im just saying. He texted me a few times the other day... and uh i didnt write back because i had a boyfriend and what would have i looked like if i had a boyfriend and texting another boy?!?! Well to make this story short, he kept texting and texting, and i never wrote back to him he even started up with the myspace stuff and next thing you know i get hate text from him, talking about i hate you, now that you have a boyfriend you have to start forgetting about people, huh.. i was confused for a minute because i didnt do anything to him for him to be saying such harsh words to me like that.. but yeah HE HATES ME, now hes trying to regain his friendship with me, but guess what.. i still dont pay attention! So in other words, yeah im very loyal to you, my heart tells me to be loyal to you, because i love you! i dont know why i havent told you that i loved you yet. I tried tell you a few times but i thought you would of reacted like if i was stupid, since we dont see each other. lol you asked me if i loved you the other day and i said no! its hard to over come these words that ive only said to certain people but never anyone who ive been with and in love with.
Well i seriously dont know how to end this so im just going to leave this at that. I miss you, i love you, and can you please come see me. =D

this is the start of my storyyyy...

Some girls have good relationships and some have bad. Some Girls have a heart, and some of them have stone.

In this case, I have bad relationships but I have a good heart.Lets start off with the first day of high school. Freshman year, the year of high school when everyone thinks they are so cool in some sort of way. The year where people become who they will be in high school, when they start figuring out who and what click they will hang with. Now, lets go to me, first day of school. I walked into the doors of the one of the biggest schools in Springfield, Massachusetts, Central High School. I did not know where I was going but I had my guide, which was my sister. She lead me to my homeroom classroom which was the first class of the day that I had to sit in for about 3 hours. I never actually thought about the boys at the school but I definetly thought about the friends I will be making and how I was going to act.

I sat down 3 seats up from the back row, and I waited a few minutes and looked around until I looked at the door and saw an old middle school friend of mines. He sat next to me, and called me by my nickname, Chili. He talked to me, until the bell rang. The teacher was ready to close her door shut to begin to speak to us about the rules and the guides about our new school until.. someone blocked the door way and said excuse me and walked in. I stared at this beautiful figure who was staring at me like hes known me for a few years as he walked towards the seat in front me. He sat down on his chair, and turned around to take off his backpack, and he started at me again. My stomach just sunk to my butt. I couldnt stop staring at his cute neckline and hair cut he had. He was a looker, I kept saying to my friend.

My good old pal from middle school moved up one seat as the teacher talked. With him moving up a seat, he was sitting right next to this really cute boy whom I didnt know his name. I knew his name was Rob, something I couldnt hear well with the teacher mumbling her names as she did attendance. I was glad that my good middle school friend began to talk to this pretty creature, because I new that I was going to get some information out of him.

After 3 hours of looking at the back of his head, and getting little glimps of him when we would turn around to pass back papers to me, the class was over. It was time to go to our first period class of the day. I moved quickly behind him and disappeared to the next hallway to my next classroom. I found my class and scattered into to first seat I found.. The one next to the door, where I can cee everyone and everything that was going on outside in the hallway. Laughs, Make ups, Make outs, Friends.. etc. it was just a ruckus. Then, my heart started pumping faster than usual and it was because guess who had there first perios class right next door to mines, the Rob something guy. With my heart pumping fast didnt mean I was afraid of him, I just got really nervous because this kid was god to me at the moment.

I began figiting in my seat looking at the clock and my brand new schedule to see what time this stupid class was over at. I wanted to go to lunch already because I wanted to meet up with my friends and my sister, and thats what was next for me. I also wanted to leave this class because I wanted to take my time leaving it so that Rob, lets call him rob, can notice me, even though he already did during homeroom.

The bell rings and I begin to take my time putting all my stuff back into my backpack, and I look out the door and fuck, I was late, he was walking out already. I got so upset that I began to rush. I starting walking down the stair case to the first floor to meet up with my cousin and sister, and guess who ends up in front of me, Mr. Rob whatever the rest of his name is. I begin to get aggrevated because lately I am only seeing the back of head, which isnt a bad site but its beginning to make me out like a creep. He looks back at me and I smile and walk away as like I was in a rush.

I met up with my sister and cousin at my sisters locker, my sister began talking to me and friends about how shes already ready to go home after being in school for no more than 5 hours. I thought she can be weird sometimes. We all started walking like a clique to the lunch room, we found a seat and I just kept looking around to see if I can see any of my old friends, I spotted a few people and waved and then I spotted my cousin, Miss.Jay! She came over to me and asked me to stand up with her as she looked around for friends, so I did. We both walked over to a table with a bunch of her friends. I got bored and was ready to walk towards the water fountain near the doors to get lunch, I looked out the door as I walked over and saw a short kid with a black polo but with a bunch of different colored striped shirt on, I wasnt used to his face but when he kept walking away alone I noticed his back looked familiar, and then I thought about it and it was my Mr.Rob.

My cousin saw me kind of starstruck and came over to me, she asked what was wrong Id look as if I just seen a ghost. I began to explain to her how this boy was so good looking and he just walked by and he was in my homeroom, and how he stared at me like if he knew me for a long time. As I am explaining, he walks by again and I tell her, “Thats him Jay, Thats him”. She replies to that she has a class with him and that he is so cute. We then started betting on who can get him first, and I shut her up because she had a boyfriend at the time. Mr. Rob on the other hand, I didnt know if he was a single cute boy or not, but he had walked into the cafetria doors where I was standing and I broke my neck, I just couldnt stop looking. Miss. Jay, called my name out and laughed, I asked her why was she laughing and he explained that I was a funny girl. Why would someone like him like someone like me.

ahh man, this one is for you..

so today i washed my gross hair like 50 times. lol i usually wash it and not wait for anything and straighten it. but today i felt like i should see my hair curly again. cause my natural hair isnt straight, like most people think. haha. so yeah, i look pretty weird.. haha.. but i guess its ohk for the most part. im a weird person for the most part. so yeahh! anyways tomorrow im going to a dance competition my first one, which is going to be pretty cool. im kind of excited. im

also kind of nervous because the judges arent real dance judges, there just random people and the like 1 judge is going to be a dance judge. its confusing. but yeah i have this feeling that since it might be for what they see, another group that sucks and with a bunch of little kids will win. ughhhh! its going to suck because us girls put our hearts on any stage. we always try our hardest! anyways.. im going to go now. so peaceee outtt.

why do you hate me so muchhh????

Why, Hello.
I have alot of catching up to do with you. Ive been slacking with everything, school, 365day project, etc. lol. Lets start off by saying, i have opened up a new door in my life. I really want to be in the entertainment buisness, even if i am behind the scenes, but thats what i want to do. I went to the open casting call for MTV's MADE, and uh i think it went pretty well. Even though i sure as hell know that i wont be getting a call back because i see it as a one in a million chance to have my own made episode. Anyways, school so uh yeahh guess what, im failin most of my academic classes, Writing from Experience is a piece of cake. But Glory of Greece, i havent even done one thing of homework since the semester started. I had to already write out 2 essays and do other sheets of paper, and im getting so lazy that noo. Ughhh! Whatever. Dance has taken over my life.. and so has school. (sorry i have alot of shit bothering me) My mother keeps talking to me about me having a boyfriend and me taking shit seriously with him, and about me getting pregnant. like wtf? im 17, smart about shit like that.. but no, my mother thinks im like these 15 year old girls who get pregnant now in days. She thinks im going to go off with my boyfriend and have a kid with him. like wtf?!? yeah i want kids but not now, in the future when my life it settled and im married with a husband. She doesnt understand anything. I swear she still thinks im like 15 i know im not much older than 15 but i will be 18 in a few months and she needs to let me go and learn to let me be independent. I hate it. i thinki hate her, for making me into the person i am today.. scared, cant do anything alone, so fucking attached to her. Arghhhh. So yeah back to what i was saying in the beginning about being in the entertainment business... so im going to retire from dance in about a year or so, and maybe get back to acting.. I love acting but my "MOTHER" doesnt approve me acting, she rather have me dancing. But, hopefully in a year or so i will be moved out of my house and have my own apartment with someone. Cause thats what i want. Maybe move to Northampton or a state over or something. just not here in springfield. But i will persue acting and have my own guitar making buisness. i bet your wondering.. wow this girl wants to do everything.. your right.. i do. But im going to start soon finishing my comic, and starting to draw out a design of a custom made guitar and send them out to see which vender with buy it and make it into their own. Ive had guitarist tell me what they would want on a guitar or the designs they would love on it.. and i took all that in and put it together and i have an idea of a guitar. Im crazy i know. I feel bad for who ever trys to marry me, because i love being up and out and doing different things all the time. lol. they'd have to get used to me. lol.. well im going to go because this is getting wicked long and i seriously want people to read it and not half of it. sooo peaceee




Peace+<3
Charleee

"i promise"

another school essay.. its funny how i can only write an essay if its about him. lol anyways, this was a serious piece. i wrote it at about 9:45am this morning.

"What are we going to do when you go to college?"

those are the words you tell me everynight. It scares when you say that to the point that i cant even stand up straight. My knees begin to wobble and it pulls me down. My heart drops to my stomach and i dont feel alive anymore.

i made a promise to you that i wouldnt ever leave you, you might not have took me seriously when i promised you, but i took myself seriously. When i said those two words to you, "i promise" i made an oath to myself that i wouldnt leave you, and if i do, im taking you with me.

i have this gut feeling that i am to do whatever the hell i want be, and so are you, and we are going to it together, side by side. This relationship changed my views on "relationships". I never took anything seriously until you came into my life once more. I feel like "this is real". i dont know you might not feel the same way but this is what i feel. I dont know what it is im still trying to figure it out im trying to figure out what is it about you that has me going crazy.

I never forgot about you, even when we were together before and broke up, you were always somewhere on my mind or something will always come back or turn to you. You might not understand why, because i still dont understand why you were special to stay on my mind that long. You have something in you that just catched my attention. I dont know yet. Theres always a mystery in everything, and this is it. i guess its like if i made the promise to atleast stay with you before. Because in my mind its like if i never left. I stood by you, invisibly but i was there with you.

Right not i feel guilty for all the stupid mistakes i made when i was a child. Leaving you, the nicest guy in the world, for a douche bag who was with two girls at once. And i was stupid enough to fall for his little mind games. But i guess i deserved every bit of it, just because i left you.... KARMA!... Im sorry if i ever caused you hurt. Im not going to say i didnt mean too because to be honest i cant remember what i was going through my mind at the time. But this time is different, im a changed girl, i know i thank you all the time, but once more wont hurt.. Thank you for giving me a chance. I used to think that second chances dont ever matter because people never change. But then i started to realize i never thought of myself, ive changed, i would want another chance if i wanted it, because i am a changed person. So thank you baby. I cant find any great way to thank you more.

"i promised" i will never leave you and so thats exactly what i am going to do. The only way there wouldnt be a you and me.. is if you want to break this off. There wont ever be another like you, trust me. I havent met anyone like you, and i font think i will ever met someone like you. I believe in you, i believe in is. And i think were going to make it through

...together!

not boredd, eh?

Whats on my mind??
I cant really think straight. I cant think of what id do without him calling me baby everyday, and being the best boy ive ever met. I finally got to feel his touch, what his lips against mine felt like. How it feels to be held by the one boy who is special to me. The only boy who i think about, talk about, cant be without. Yes, i cant be without. He gave me butterflies, and he kissed me so good that my heart dropped when my lips 1st hit his. I closed my eyes and leaned in, it was the most amazing feeling ive ever had. Like if i was a young girl receiving her first kiss in a school playground. Ive had first kissed before but nothing felt like this one. Ive kiss him before but like i said nothing like this one. It was one of the simple kisses, the ones that people just forget about because like some people say.. they dont really matter. But this one was different. It meant something, i dont know if he feels this same about it, but whocare as long as i feel this great feeling that i want to feel again with him.. ill be ohk. I want him to hold me again, and kiss me like he last did.. it was amazing. I know hes the right one. just because i dont get all girly when it comes to relationships, and i sure as hell get bored quick.. and with him its different.. IM FINALLY not bored. im finally being a girl in a relationship, i always want to wear the pants in relationships and be the boss. but this time i just want shit to be right, i actually care about him, and care about this relationship we have. I think its going to last for a long time. I hope it last for a long time.

Cover Page to my Essay

I had to make an intro to my essay and i made my intro into my cover page.. and this is what it looks like:::

He Completes me. Hes the one i always write about. Hes the best boyfriend ive ever had. He has random conversations with me that in every sentence he ends with the word yo! Hes amazing. He knows the exact words to tell me..just to make me feel better. He has a way with words. This is just an intro to the ride i am about to take you on. Its going to be great.

FUCK MY LIFEE. you might not hear from me for a while..

Today i went to the ER. Really earlyy and uh i came back in like "dying mode" I dont want to be here anymore seriously.. no like suicidle wise.. like i want to go farrr.. i want to just leave this town and do whatever. why?? because lately ive been shitty i always get hurt, im always a cluts and everyone around me is sick of it. no one ever believes me anymore when im hurt. its not my fault that im this way, ever since i was younger i was always this way. who ever knew me last year knew how fucked up i was because of dance. I was in crutches, i was on a wheel chair, and i was also in bed one time and couldnt get up. it sucks, i wish i could just start my life over and reset everything and try and change something so i wouldnt have such fragile bones and i could actually do shit when i was a child. its prevented me from doing so many things.. the day i was diagnosed with arthiritus was the day my life ended.. and then my doctor goes ahead and makes me feel like shit tell me these exact words that i would never forget: "live your life as a normal person, like if you didnt have fragile bones".. WTF? i am normal.. its just arthiritus i thought. then now its hitting me, i dont i can live with it.. it ruined my life.. and so did dance.. i broken so many bones and injured almost everything on my body because of it. ): back to what i was saying about me going to the ER.. i was told that i have 2 torn muscles on my rib cage.. and thats also the reason for me having pain on my boobs because of it. the doctor said it has been caused by me stretching.. so i have to stay in bed and try not to lift anything heavy or dance for 2 weeks..which i cant do because of uh.. i have a big even coming up and i have to dance in it and i have to finish my new routine that i havent finished.. and i cant do any of it because of my stupid bones and stupid arthiritus that caused everything. I HATE ME right now.. i seriously do.. and all this shit is going on today and i cant do any of it because my mother is taking doctors orders and not letting me do anything.. i want to see my boyfriend and i cant.. and i cnat even tell him that i cant because my phone is not turning on which suckss. FUCK MY LIFEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! uhhhh. well heres a picture of what my effin xrays looked like... ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ruined my night.

omg, so this is serious.. im not joking.. MR. IDK WIW texted today from georgia ): wtf?? why does he do shit like this to me. Why is it that he texts me.. and then he waits a while.. when i completely forgot about him.. and then BOOM a text from him.. so my phone deleted all my contacts and everything.. so i lost his and everyone elses number.. so im going to type of our conversation...

MR.IDKwiw: Hey
Me:Who is this?
MR.IDKwiw: Ur Sugar Daddy
Me:Huh? Seriously who is this??
(by this time im thinking its my boyfriend texting me from who knows)
MR.IDKwiw: Ur Best Buddy take a guess. Im always wearing green now.
Me:Idk Who this is.. lol always wearing green??? idk just tell me.. i hate guessing! lol
(i still think its my boyfriend)
MR.IDKwiw:Its me ********(no names)
Me:Ohhh lol you scared me for a second
MR.IDKwiw:lol what you been up too?
ME: Nothing just back home from Hu Ke Lau
MR.IDKwiw:so you been missing me?
ME:.......



and thats where it ends.. if you have been keeping up with my blogs like when i first started you totally understand where the hell im coming from.. Its not that i like MR.IDKwiw cause i dont.. hes just a total douche bag. and it kills me to know that i used to be all over that.. and i so regret him using me.. like i said before if you been reading my blogs you'll understand.. he used me. and its not cool and he stupid enough to ask me that question.. i seriously hate him.. so Mr.IDKwiw.. if your reading this.. dont text me again.. please i ask you nicely.. actually i beg you nicely.. please dont.. i dont anything to do with you and your seriously not ruining shit this time.. i have my boyfriend who is amazing and i dont want you or anything you do ruining shit for me. so leave me the hell aloneeee.

"charlene you are totally blowing him with your eyes"

haha, that was the highlight of my night. when my cousins and sister told me that! when i totally was not blowing the hu ke lau drummer with my eyes. haha. seriously i wasnt. he was hot, and yeah i stared at him a few times but it was just cause he was in my way.. i have a boyfriend people. i dont do that type of stuff when im in a relationship especially a committed one like i am in now. lol but hey the familys table was not the only table going crazy for him, the table next to us had girls screaming for his crazy drumming self. lol ahh man the picture on the side of this is of him.. you tell me what you think? was it worth my ears ringing after i left hu ke lau?? leave me comments or email me.

i just want to say.. what the hay! haha

Why hey ya'll. I decided what the hay, i just want take pictures today then i decided what the hay.. i want to make fun of girls who take pictures a certain way.. haha. lol Well uhh, yeah look at the hot face im making in the picturee. dont hate.. this is for all you girls who think they look cute while make that face and putting up your little peace sign that you can ever see.. haha.

A short essay about a past or present relationship w/ anyone.

My Writing class asked to write a short essay about a past or present relationship, they asked to get into detail and really into depth. This is what i wrote, its not finished but yeah.. give me lots of feedback, i would really appreciate it. (the person i wrote about must know im talking about him) But seriously... FEEDBACK!

(ps. i have to read this out loud, and it probably sounds lousy until you actually hear me speaking.)

You make me the happiest girl alive.. you make me want to scream outside and look crazy, and scream out how much i feel for you! you dont understand how i feel.. i feel happy, chills, warm, safe with you.. i want to be in your arms as soon as i can and just kiss and hug you and close my eyes and smell your scent. Your a drug to me, i fean for you.. i get withdrawls when i only speak to you over the phone and not see you. I want you! i want you now.. your the only one who will cure this addiction i have towards you. You might be the one, The one i want to see every morning when i open my eyes and every night before i close my eyes. your amazing.
I go crazy when i dont hear you, i daydream about what it would be like if i was with you at the moment. I go crazy.. did you hear me?
Your the light that shines from my own sun. There are many reasons i wake up in the morning, and you are one of them.. <3 your the best, i never thought i would be this way towards any man. I never thought any other man would treat me the way that you do.. you know how to make me smile, how to make me into the happiest girl alive. There is just one thing missing.. the icing on the cake.. your touch.. i want to know how you caress me, how you touch my face and hands, how you kiss me. I close my eyes and wonder.. i feel my neck to try and feel your touch.. but its not possible..
it all feels like a dream, and i havent woken up to see that its all fake.. i cant believe myself.. i cant believe im with you.. (sorry this was an essay/short essay for my class, i havent gotten around to finishing it. but its due next week so i have to finish.. and i will post the rest when i do)

20 ways id like to do you..

1.i love how you tell me you miss me all the time, it shows me you really want see me.
2.your a silly boy, just like me but im a girl lol.
3.you call me beautiful when my hair is messy and stupid.
4.you make me want to be a even better person.
5.your sexy inside and out.
6.you make me smile by just calling me and saying HEY to me.
7.you treat me better than I could’ve ever expected to be treated by any man.
8.they way you have opened me up, and now i can talk about mostly everything with you.
9.you got me over fears I never thought I would get over.
10.i love how you could eat like 5o billion differeent things at once, and still be hungry
11.you like me for the way i am, not for my looks.
12.Theres no one like you.. I can’t even explain it. You’re so different, so perfect.
13.You respect I want our first time together to be something special.
14.How we talk about our future together, every litttle aspect of it.
15.your voice
16. the way you say the word, "MAN"
17.i love how you talk about UFO's and Aliens, Monsters, and underwater monsters.. etc.
18.how you tell me that ive made a difference in your life.
19.how you used to tell me you were afraid to kiss me cause your afraid of me rejecting you.
20.its just me and you... and thats all... <3

________________
His response to my blog:
1.i can be myself around you
2.your beautiful
3.the sexiest smile ever (with the missing teeth lol)
4.you improve a person
5.you taught me how to like a lady for her (not big butts or big boobies)
6.you show me u care
7.u tell me im perfect when im not
8.u never let me fall
9.i love how you are random like me
10.everything bout you turns me on !!!!!!!!! lmao ur the best baby
i couldnt ask for anything else i have a perfect girlfriend

who feels a little frisky? cause i doooo.

Well uh todays been a rough day, idk.. very down lately so i just sat down on my bed and just wroteeeee. i mean i wrote up a storm. haha, i just jotted down everything that was on my mind.. so ive decided to share shit with you.. its kind of weird because if you dont know how to read it. then your shit outta luck because your going to think im the worst writer everrr. lol you need the right tone, the right pauses for it.. so if you know me, call me ill read it out for you! lol here it goes:::: (there might grammer, and spelling problems but its just i didnt want to fix anything up because i think its better when i just shoot it all out and leave it how it is.. you get a better feel of the mood i was in)::


(idk you give me a title for this...)

i dont want you to forgive me, i dont want to tell me its ohk
tell me its wrong, its ohk to say that to me.
I must learn that i can never try to sneak around and always have it my way
I cant always get away with everything
i cant talk my way out of things
which is what i do most of the time.

i want to feel love with you, i want to know what it feels like with you..
i want to experience the "butterflies" the no words, but were still speaking" chills down my spine, and breaths not being taken when your around me feeling.. is that what it is?
i hate people talking about it and just say it to there partner just to say it.
thats not me, i want to say it to the one whom i actually love, and i will find him someday
but i hope that him is you,

i wish to fall in love with you
i wish to be the one who you want to wake up in the middle of the night and just stare at me
and think to yourself.. i love that girl.. i want to be that girl.
I feel as though it would be perfect to fall in love with someone like you
maybe im in denial, or maybe i just want to fall in love with you but to afraid i might get hurt.
thats just an instink i have inside because in my heart and in my mind, i trust you, i trust your words, your actions and everything else.

You make me feel special like if there no other prettier girl waiting out there for you
if im just the only one who matters to you
the one whos going to be your wife one day and have as many children as you want with her.
i want to fall in love you

i just dont know how, i dont know when it will happen.. does it just happen?
will i know when i feel this unknown feeling.. that everyone calls love??
what is it? can you explain? can you explain what the feeling is?
do i sound desperate? do i sound as if i want to force myself to be in love with the one who makes me feel special, the one who makes me the happiest women alive? which is you.
why do i ask so many questions?
is it cause im insecure.. but of what? you?
do i feel inside that i might lose you?
that maybe.. just maybe im not good enough
cause thats what i used to think..
i wasnt good enough to be your girlfriend once more.

i was stupid and selfish and wanted everything and everyone to myself
which is why i left you, which is why i wanted you even more when it was all over between us
which why everytime i saw your face i just wanted to grab you and make out with you like if no one was watching, like if you were mines and i was yours and no one else mattered.

I daydreamed about you and thought about us being so passionet with each other
i loved looking into your light eyes and watch them change into a picture of me and you together holding hands and being happy together, and then the picture would fade and id realize i didnt matter to you, you had a girlfriend whom you were very "in love with".. did you really love them? cause if you did, then you must know what this feeling.. or should i say that unknown feeling that ive never felt before is?..explain? or is it not explainable?

i want to fall in love with you...

Dammnnnn its been a while.

hollaaa. for real.
so uh im going to post a few blogs today ive just been really busy lately.. haha. i went off today to ready i older post on this blog and uhh, god damn i was a crazy bitch.. i went from heart breaks to skaterboys to boobs to sex to army to back to fucking heart breaks and then im back now with a whole new different heart.. i dont have heartaches anymore, and i have a full heart now. no more loneliness.... why????????? because i have a boyfriend named robbie! its crazy me and robbie met about..4, 5 years agoo back in freshman year. He has this wicked long story about me, it has to do with myspace, interent, homeroom and BAM! the BAM part is.. us being together as a couple back freshman year. haha, well we broke up because of me.. blah blah blah.. and then i used to see him through out the years and still had like the biggest crush on him. haha. funny right!?!?! well uh yeah we used to talk all the time he used to leave me for girls which made me always feel like shit, i used to get boyfriends bump them.. whatever, and then.. idk i told him how i finally felt and now we are together.. woo hooooo


happiest ive ever been,
charlieeeee boooooo

its been a while

Wow, its been a while.. Alot has happend.. Well uh.. let me start off by saying...
Idk where the hell to start, im almost failing senior year, but im not.. i dont think ill have enough performing arts credits to graduate... Lets keep this going, well, i lost friends, gained them back, and made new friends. I started my 365day project which is i take a picture everyday for a year(365days) and i post them up on flickr... (flickr.com/charlenevalentin) check it out.. ughh! now your going to see what i look like it suckss! haha
anyways! enjoy my pictures, check up everyday.. its pretty fun!

Well im going to go now, i have a lot of stuff to do

tired,
Charlieee