ahh man, this one is for you..

so today i washed my gross hair like 50 times. lol i usually wash it and not wait for anything and straighten it. but today i felt like i should see my hair curly again. cause my natural hair isnt straight, like most people think. haha. so yeah, i look pretty weird.. haha.. but i guess its ohk for the most part. im a weird person for the most part. so yeahh! anyways tomorrow im going to a dance competition my first one, which is going to be pretty cool. im kind of excited. im

also kind of nervous because the judges arent real dance judges, there just random people and the like 1 judge is going to be a dance judge. its confusing. but yeah i have this feeling that since it might be for what they see, another group that sucks and with a bunch of little kids will win. ughhhh! its going to suck because us girls put our hearts on any stage. we always try our hardest! anyways.. im going to go now. so peaceee outtt.

why do you hate me so muchhh????

Why, Hello.
I have alot of catching up to do with you. Ive been slacking with everything, school, 365day project, etc. lol. Lets start off by saying, i have opened up a new door in my life. I really want to be in the entertainment buisness, even if i am behind the scenes, but thats what i want to do. I went to the open casting call for MTV's MADE, and uh i think it went pretty well. Even though i sure as hell know that i wont be getting a call back because i see it as a one in a million chance to have my own made episode. Anyways, school so uh yeahh guess what, im failin most of my academic classes, Writing from Experience is a piece of cake. But Glory of Greece, i havent even done one thing of homework since the semester started. I had to already write out 2 essays and do other sheets of paper, and im getting so lazy that noo. Ughhh! Whatever. Dance has taken over my life.. and so has school. (sorry i have alot of shit bothering me) My mother keeps talking to me about me having a boyfriend and me taking shit seriously with him, and about me getting pregnant. like wtf? im 17, smart about shit like that.. but no, my mother thinks im like these 15 year old girls who get pregnant now in days. She thinks im going to go off with my boyfriend and have a kid with him. like wtf?!? yeah i want kids but not now, in the future when my life it settled and im married with a husband. She doesnt understand anything. I swear she still thinks im like 15 i know im not much older than 15 but i will be 18 in a few months and she needs to let me go and learn to let me be independent. I hate it. i thinki hate her, for making me into the person i am today.. scared, cant do anything alone, so fucking attached to her. Arghhhh. So yeah back to what i was saying in the beginning about being in the entertainment business... so im going to retire from dance in about a year or so, and maybe get back to acting.. I love acting but my "MOTHER" doesnt approve me acting, she rather have me dancing. But, hopefully in a year or so i will be moved out of my house and have my own apartment with someone. Cause thats what i want. Maybe move to Northampton or a state over or something. just not here in springfield. But i will persue acting and have my own guitar making buisness. i bet your wondering.. wow this girl wants to do everything.. your right.. i do. But im going to start soon finishing my comic, and starting to draw out a design of a custom made guitar and send them out to see which vender with buy it and make it into their own. Ive had guitarist tell me what they would want on a guitar or the designs they would love on it.. and i took all that in and put it together and i have an idea of a guitar. Im crazy i know. I feel bad for who ever trys to marry me, because i love being up and out and doing different things all the time. lol. they'd have to get used to me. lol.. well im going to go because this is getting wicked long and i seriously want people to read it and not half of it. sooo peaceee




Peace+<3
Charleee

"i promise"

another school essay.. its funny how i can only write an essay if its about him. lol anyways, this was a serious piece. i wrote it at about 9:45am this morning.

"What are we going to do when you go to college?"

those are the words you tell me everynight. It scares when you say that to the point that i cant even stand up straight. My knees begin to wobble and it pulls me down. My heart drops to my stomach and i dont feel alive anymore.

i made a promise to you that i wouldnt ever leave you, you might not have took me seriously when i promised you, but i took myself seriously. When i said those two words to you, "i promise" i made an oath to myself that i wouldnt leave you, and if i do, im taking you with me.

i have this gut feeling that i am to do whatever the hell i want be, and so are you, and we are going to it together, side by side. This relationship changed my views on "relationships". I never took anything seriously until you came into my life once more. I feel like "this is real". i dont know you might not feel the same way but this is what i feel. I dont know what it is im still trying to figure it out im trying to figure out what is it about you that has me going crazy.

I never forgot about you, even when we were together before and broke up, you were always somewhere on my mind or something will always come back or turn to you. You might not understand why, because i still dont understand why you were special to stay on my mind that long. You have something in you that just catched my attention. I dont know yet. Theres always a mystery in everything, and this is it. i guess its like if i made the promise to atleast stay with you before. Because in my mind its like if i never left. I stood by you, invisibly but i was there with you.

Right not i feel guilty for all the stupid mistakes i made when i was a child. Leaving you, the nicest guy in the world, for a douche bag who was with two girls at once. And i was stupid enough to fall for his little mind games. But i guess i deserved every bit of it, just because i left you.... KARMA!... Im sorry if i ever caused you hurt. Im not going to say i didnt mean too because to be honest i cant remember what i was going through my mind at the time. But this time is different, im a changed girl, i know i thank you all the time, but once more wont hurt.. Thank you for giving me a chance. I used to think that second chances dont ever matter because people never change. But then i started to realize i never thought of myself, ive changed, i would want another chance if i wanted it, because i am a changed person. So thank you baby. I cant find any great way to thank you more.

"i promised" i will never leave you and so thats exactly what i am going to do. The only way there wouldnt be a you and me.. is if you want to break this off. There wont ever be another like you, trust me. I havent met anyone like you, and i font think i will ever met someone like you. I believe in you, i believe in is. And i think were going to make it through

...together!

not boredd, eh?

Whats on my mind??
I cant really think straight. I cant think of what id do without him calling me baby everyday, and being the best boy ive ever met. I finally got to feel his touch, what his lips against mine felt like. How it feels to be held by the one boy who is special to me. The only boy who i think about, talk about, cant be without. Yes, i cant be without. He gave me butterflies, and he kissed me so good that my heart dropped when my lips 1st hit his. I closed my eyes and leaned in, it was the most amazing feeling ive ever had. Like if i was a young girl receiving her first kiss in a school playground. Ive had first kissed before but nothing felt like this one. Ive kiss him before but like i said nothing like this one. It was one of the simple kisses, the ones that people just forget about because like some people say.. they dont really matter. But this one was different. It meant something, i dont know if he feels this same about it, but whocare as long as i feel this great feeling that i want to feel again with him.. ill be ohk. I want him to hold me again, and kiss me like he last did.. it was amazing. I know hes the right one. just because i dont get all girly when it comes to relationships, and i sure as hell get bored quick.. and with him its different.. IM FINALLY not bored. im finally being a girl in a relationship, i always want to wear the pants in relationships and be the boss. but this time i just want shit to be right, i actually care about him, and care about this relationship we have. I think its going to last for a long time. I hope it last for a long time.

Cover Page to my Essay

I had to make an intro to my essay and i made my intro into my cover page.. and this is what it looks like:::

He Completes me. Hes the one i always write about. Hes the best boyfriend ive ever had. He has random conversations with me that in every sentence he ends with the word yo! Hes amazing. He knows the exact words to tell me..just to make me feel better. He has a way with words. This is just an intro to the ride i am about to take you on. Its going to be great.

FUCK MY LIFEE. you might not hear from me for a while..

Today i went to the ER. Really earlyy and uh i came back in like "dying mode" I dont want to be here anymore seriously.. no like suicidle wise.. like i want to go farrr.. i want to just leave this town and do whatever. why?? because lately ive been shitty i always get hurt, im always a cluts and everyone around me is sick of it. no one ever believes me anymore when im hurt. its not my fault that im this way, ever since i was younger i was always this way. who ever knew me last year knew how fucked up i was because of dance. I was in crutches, i was on a wheel chair, and i was also in bed one time and couldnt get up. it sucks, i wish i could just start my life over and reset everything and try and change something so i wouldnt have such fragile bones and i could actually do shit when i was a child. its prevented me from doing so many things.. the day i was diagnosed with arthiritus was the day my life ended.. and then my doctor goes ahead and makes me feel like shit tell me these exact words that i would never forget: "live your life as a normal person, like if you didnt have fragile bones".. WTF? i am normal.. its just arthiritus i thought. then now its hitting me, i dont i can live with it.. it ruined my life.. and so did dance.. i broken so many bones and injured almost everything on my body because of it. ): back to what i was saying about me going to the ER.. i was told that i have 2 torn muscles on my rib cage.. and thats also the reason for me having pain on my boobs because of it. the doctor said it has been caused by me stretching.. so i have to stay in bed and try not to lift anything heavy or dance for 2 weeks..which i cant do because of uh.. i have a big even coming up and i have to dance in it and i have to finish my new routine that i havent finished.. and i cant do any of it because of my stupid bones and stupid arthiritus that caused everything. I HATE ME right now.. i seriously do.. and all this shit is going on today and i cant do any of it because my mother is taking doctors orders and not letting me do anything.. i want to see my boyfriend and i cant.. and i cnat even tell him that i cant because my phone is not turning on which suckss. FUCK MY LIFEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! uhhhh. well heres a picture of what my effin xrays looked like... ughhhhhhhhhhhh.