spur the moment venting.

what is love?

i dont understand love, what is it?
because everytime i think im in love with this one person whom well call "Mr. Idk what i want" he ends up hurting me. I seriously thought i was over him, i thought i didnt need him in my life, but then i get this "message in a bottle" telling me that hes talking to a friend of mines. It sucks that everytime we end up trying to have something, we keep it to ourselves. its kind of like a closed, hiden relationship. ='[ i wish it was possible to tell the world how i feel for this "Mr. idk what i want" but its not. i wanted to tell him yes the moment he asked me to be his girlfriend, but i couldnt just cause hes a douche. He doesnt understand that im a girl with high expectations with relationships, and if he really wanted to be with me, then he would of changed, he would of gone out of his bubble and not be MR. PLAYER over here. dude, i know your never going to read this because i know you wont ever have the time, but shes a gold digger, she said it herself. she said it to me, and when i started to talk to you at first, you told me...you dont want a gold digger, you want someone whos going to like you, for you. ='[ i cant have this happen, my heart just tore into pieces, its never felt so empty and not there before. maybe if i just told you "i love you" back just to get your attention.. everytime you said it to me, but i was just to scared something like this would happen, and it did. and i guess if i ever would of told you those 3 words back to you, maybe id be happy and talking to you right now, and even more excited than i was before this happend that you would come home.. to visit your family.
i love venting. if this made no sense...who gives a fuck. i dont.